For the first time ever I actually sat down and watched the Super Bowl. I watched every commercial and saw every play (even the last one that caused the Sea Hawks to lose the game, sorry Marshawn). Naturally, the internet blew up Monday morning, talking about most of the stuff including: the depressing child death Nationwide commercial, the domestic violence PSA, Liam Neeson reprising his Taken role for Clash of Clans, mad respect for the #LikeaGirl by Always campaign, and, of course, all of the football field shenanigans. However, listed below are the things the internet failed to point out for Super Bowl 49:
1. Idina’s Silver/Bling Plated Brass Knuckles
First off, Idina gets a slow clap and standing ovation for singing a fantastic National Anthem opening. She wore a stylish black pantsuit and her hair down. The picture of class and elegance.
Oh say can you see, internet reader, that giant bedazzled brass knuckle she has on her left hand? It distracted me to no end especially since she held the microphone with that hand. It was in the shot for almost the entire performance. I expected her to turn around and bedazzle one of the military men’s nose or jaw with it. Here’s a close up:
With all that said though…I kind of want to buy one for the family white elephant exchange next Christmas.
2. Perry forgot what a Tiger looks like:
Sorry Katy, tigers have stripes. The usage of gold and lack of mane indicates a lioness, still powerful but not consistent with your ‘Eye of the tiger’ lyric.
3. Missy Elliot did not put her name down, flip it, and reverse it
Missy Elliot, your songs may be almost 10 years old, but that only makes me fonder of them. When I heard that familiar beat I got goosebumps. Then the camera zoomed in and I noticed that the track playing did not match Missy’s mouth. She lip synced! I expected Katy Perry to lip sync given all the energy it took for the 15 minute half time show, but Missy? I’m disappointed.
4. Lindsay Lohan is a Mom and Walter White is now a Pharmacist for Esurance:
How is being ‘Sorta Mom’ or ‘Sorta Greg’ selling insurance? Alright, I understand that a person’s age, weight, driving record, etc… determines how much he/she pays for insurance and that in turn puts you in categories, but how does that justify Lindsay Lohan driving erratically (which she does in real life too) at an elementary school no less and them reprising Walter White at a pharmacy. I’m so confused Esurance!
5. Nationwide has Mindy freakin’ Kaling on your side!
This is why she’s my hero:
ice cream, public nudity, and Matt Damon. That isn’t a sentence, but I don’t care. I also highly recommend her book “Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me.”
5. BUTTS!
I may be 26 years old and well past any sort of good poop joke, but I can still be that undersexed female pubescent 14 year old at heart (and a total poop joke enthusiast). Where was all that sweet butt grabbing action I have come to expect at the Super Bowl? I didn’t even see a Brady butt tap or Lynch cheek grab. Thanks a lot NBC for stomping on this 26 year old going on 14 year old girl’s heart.
Tall Female in Flats 